Confession time, my friends. I love Beyoncé. Destiny's Child was my favourite band when I was growing up. Beyoncé was one of my fave artists during the 2000s, and although my musical tastes have since expanded, she's still Queen. Which is why when she dropped her new single, "Formation", I was all over it. Like many people, one lyric in particular stuck out to me. Without mentioning it, it's basically about taking her lover on a trip to Red Lobster.
This got me thinking: Why don't we have a Red Lobster in Montreal? Sure, it wasn't the first time this crossed my mind. Last summer, I trekked out to Ottawa to enjoy a Red Lobster seafood feast; the trip was super fun, but I kept thinking that there had to be something similar to this closer to the city. Driving two hours to a different province every time I crave lobster and biscuits just doesn't seem feasible, TBH.
Of course, there used to be a Red Lobster in Montreal. This was back in the 90s; I went there exactly once when I was super young, and so I don't remember much of it. But I do know that it closed suddenly (or it seemed pretty sudden to me), and disappeared without a trace, leaving the seafood chain nothing but a distant and nostalgic memory in the mind of many Montrealers.
But I think it's time we talk about having a Red Lobster in Montreal again. I know what you're thinking: But Miranda, there are tons of fantastic spots to enjoy fresh, flavourful seafood in Montreal. And yes, you're right. Montreal's got some seriously legit seafood spots, and I'm not comparing any of them to the famous seafood chain. It's just that Red Lobster offers a different experience. Not better; not worse; just different.
And I think it's about time we get to experience it in the comfort of our own city. Why, you ask? Well, friend, I'm glad you did. Read on for Why Montreal Needs To Get Red Lobster Back ASAP.
1. The Cheddar Bay Biscuits
More like Cheddar Bae Biscuits, amiright? Okay, sorry, I'm not funny. But seriously, imagine going for Cheddar Bay Biscuits any time you feel like it - and, honestly, if you've never tried a Cheddar Bay Biscuit, stop reading right now and drive to the closest Red Lobster (which is in Ottawa). Go, I'll wait. You get yourself to Red Lobster and you munch on as many hot Cheddar Bay Biscuits as you reasonably can, and then you tell me that it wouldn't be awesome to have these things available to us whenever. Can you say that with a straight face? Because I sure can't.
2. Seafood as far as the eye can sea
Naturally, Red Lobster has a pretty extensive seafood menu. Seriously, what are you down for? Lobster, crab, shrimp, scallops? No matter what it is, they've pretty much got you. Plus, no lie, this place is awesome for people who are super indecisive (like me). Sure, it's got a few non-seafood options here and there - but pretty much, if you're at Red Lobster, we all know what you're there for. You're there for seafood. And a good time.
This straightforward dining concept is exactly the sort of thing I feel like we need in Montreal. Or it could just be me. Whatever, #IndecisivePeopleProblems.
3. It's been Beyonce approved
And hey, if it's good enough for Bey, it's good enough for... me-y. (Seriously, I'll stop).
4. That atmosphere though
Honestly, to me, Red Lobster is a super chill, fun place to go and kick back with some friends and/or family. Sure, it might not be your pick for a gourmet dinner, but imagine how much brighter your week would look after going for Friday night lobster and drinks? Or how much better the workday would seem going for lunchtime lobster and drinks? Or how much more relaxed you'd feel going for a casual dinner with your BFF, consisting of lobster and drinks?
And, I mean, even if you don't like eating lobster and drinking, you can't deny that there's something inherently awesome about chilling at a Red Lobster with good company, noshing on some Popcorn Shrimp and knowing, deep in your soul, that you can do this any time you want - no road trip required.
5. You know you want it
I don't know how or why, but Red Lobster's just one of those things that you crave. Sometimes, you just want to put your hair up, grab some friends, and go eat Popcorn Shrimp and moderately priced seafood in an easy, stress-free environment. Sometimes you want to stuff your face with five Cheddar Bay Biscuits in a row (do not recommend, BTW) and have nobody judge you for it. Sometimes, you're feeling Red Lobster; and, when the craving hits, it would be nice to be able to satisfy it right here in Montreal, little to no travel time needed.
Also, imagine all the lobster and drinks you could buy with the money you save on gas. Tons, my friends. Tons.
At the end of the day, chances are we're probably not going to be getting Red Lobster back any time soon, no matter how much I think we need this popular chain to set up shop in Montreal. I'm a dreamer, friends, but I'm not delusional. That's fine, though. Like I said: Montreal has some awesome spots for seafood - and for when you're still in the mood for Red Lobster, at least there's always Ottawa. It's far, but it'll have to do. (For now).