Why You Need To Stop What You’re Doing And Dress For The Damn Weather In Montreal
No. No. No. Stop it.
Photo cred - Evangeline
People are going to wear what they want. Whether it be a fishnet t-shirt or purple drop – crotch pants. We’re all not going to like it, but that’s life, that’s what makes us different. That’s what creates style and individual expression. It’s great, I love it. Woohoo.
I’m not telling you what to wear. That’s not what this is. I am asking you to wear more of it. This is a desperate plea I making with you. I am immensely concerned that the population of Montreal is unaware that the temperature has dropped below zero. SO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE PUT ON A COAT. I don’t care what coat it is. Any coat is fine. Canada Goose, North Face your grandmothers vintage mink thing. It doesn’t matter. It’s cold, you look cold, you’re making me cold, stop it.
Don’t roll up your sleeves. Don’t unzip it. Don’t take out the lining. You will regret it. Have you looked at the weather network? There are extreme cold warnings, left right and centre. And you know what the main cause of frostbite is? EXTREME COLD. This kind of cold is in it for the kill man, it’s gonna attack your poor little fingers and nose until they are mangled and numb from the hellish winds that pound and strangle them. Frostbite is not cute.
I’ve lived in a warmer city. You can get away with that ‘light jacket’ bullshit in Toronto or Vancouver. Not here man. You will look like a burrito with all the layers you wear, but that is okay. And you know why? Burritos are warm as eff. You have all the time to be fashionable once you are inside. But if you leave the house and you don’t look homeless, you’re not warm enough. Go back and add another sweater or balaclava.
I may sound like a nagging asshole, but I’m right, so it’s warranted. As a re-cap, let me illustrate.
Photo cred - Flawless Ruby
Sag your pants all you want, but you better be wearing long johns underneath. Wear that mini skirt, but I sure as hell hope you’re accompanying it with warm ass wool tights when you go outside. Stilettos are great as long as they're fur lined.
If you protest and continue to live a life vulnerable to the elements I promise I will find you. I will wrap you entirely in scarves. And blast you with a space heater.
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