Real Talk News: Where The Hell Was Rob Ford Drunkenly Rambling & WTF Was He Actually Saying?

Answers to the real questions behind Ford's latest drunken stupor.

We all had more than enough lolz at the new Rob Ford video that surfaced last night, but the question on everyone's mind is: what nasty ass fast food joint does Rob Ford go to when he's in a drunken stupor?

We got you're answer. Sticking to his Etobicoke roots, Rob Ford hit up 'Steak Queen' to drunkenly ramble in a Jamaican accent. Can't say I'm surprised. A man as big as Ford must love to get his arteries clogged on the regs, and a place called Steak Queen sounds like the place to do it.

Now, second point of interest: was Ford even speaking real sentences during his Jamaican impersonation? Thanks to a precise translation from the National Post, we can say yes, he was making (some) sense. I guess someone over at the NP can speak 'wasted white guy.' Here's a breakdown of Ford's stunning soliloquy.

Cocksuckers. Fuckin’ Chief Blair and them all. Cha, man. They chase me around for five months, man. Bumbaclot man. I said, me and him, ya raasclat bumbaclot.

Leave me alone, man. They got five months man, and then trying to tell me ‘well, we’re counter-surveilling the guy.’ You know what I mean? He’s hiding here, I’m’a hide here. I’m’a—oh, we don’t—f*ck off.

You know how much money that costs, man? I said bro, just cut something, ‘no man, no money man.’ Cha. Ah, Bumbaclot, man. I said ‘you know what? You raasclat, bumbaclot. I swear to God, man, honestly man. Serious shit, man. Serious shit, bro.

RANDO: All we know is we got the best mayor in the world right here.

FORD: No, seriously, you know …

RANDO: This guy deserves to be even better than Prime Minister Harper.

[At this point, the two talk over each other]

RANDO: Harper is the guy who is fucking up. I always tell them go become the Prime Minister of Canada.

FORD: No, no, no, no. I don’t bullsh*t, you know? I’m a straight up guy, you know?

Who goes into THC? Who’s going into Jamestown, Jane and Finch and then Malvern on the—them fucks—you know what I see, manbro? Shit like …

Pure magic. Hopefully we'll see more of Ford's drunken stupor very, very soon.

Want to see more Ford?

For more on Ford, Montreal, and all things awesome, follow Michael on Twitter @MDAlimonte