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Sh*t Only Montrealers Complain About

We all need to vent.
Sh*t Only Montrealers Complain About

People usually describe Montrealers as fun, carefree, and life-loving, none of which are wrong. But what most people visiting the city don't really see is just how much Montrealers love to complain, and not about small little things that don't matter. We're not whiners, after all.

Rather, there are a selection of problems that constantly plague Montreal, and the city's populace can't do much else but complain.

Take winter, for example. The harsh, frigid winds of winter are straight up awful, and every Montrealer complains about it regularly during the cold months, effectively unifying everyone on the island with a single disembodied enemy we can all bitch about.

Complaining is what brings Montrealers together, and in celebration of that fact, here are a 14 things only a person in/from Montreal would ever complain about.

When cheese curds don't squeak.

If you're going to do something, do it right, and a poutine without squeaky cheese curds is just so, so wrong.

The long-as-hell line to recharge your OPUS card every month.

An unavoidable occurrence, but that doesn't mean we can't bitch about it with monthly complaints of "God, how do they not have more machines to do this?" and "Hurry the hell up, I'm going to miss my train!"

Not being able to take a right on a red.

"But, but there's no one even coming!"

I know bro, but it's still illegal.


If there was ever a brief respite from the constant presence of construction zones in the city, which inevitably lead to lane closures and those orange cones of doom, we might stop whining about it. Don't think that's going to be happening any time soon, so keep on complaining people.

Having 4.9 billion litres of raw sewage dumped into the river.

Somehow it feels like other cities would just find another solution. Nope, not in Montreal, but hey, at least it gave us all a new thing to furiously complain about. Yay?

Protests on protests on protests.

Students, unions, hell, even the police are protesting with those leopard print tights and army pants. It would just be nice to walk down the street and not be worried about getting swarmed into a random protest.

The mayor tweeting too much.

Sorry Coderre, but while we love your social media presence, too many of us think you should be spending less time tweeting and more time fixing the city's issues. Personally, I love to know when you're watching the Habs, but I can see how it might irk some other folks.

Other Canadians.

Everyone shits on Torontonians, mostly because they suck, but in Montreal, no Canadian is safe. It's probably because the Montreal identity and culture is so unique and different that we feel the need to rip on folks who hail elsewhere in Canada, mostly because they suck in comparison.

The Language Police.

Honestly, the actions of the OQLF is so extreme that sometimes it seems like they're born out of some weird satirical dystopia. I mean, what other city has to worry about some government body patrolling the streets arbitrarily forcing people to change signage for the most ridiculous reason. Remember Pastagate anyone? Yeah, I rest my case.

Frosh and all of its drunken debauchery.

Most university-heavy cities need to deal with student parties, but none have the uniquely frustrating and annoying orientation tradition of Frosh. Partly because the city's drinking age is 18 and for the fact that some of the largest universities have campuses in the heart of the city, frosh results in a few weeks where pockets of Montreal are dominated by wasted first years.

Everyone's had that moment when they're at a bar with friends and BAM, a group of rambunctious youth wearing matching t-shirts walks in, still chanting, leading you all to simultaneously sigh "f*cking frosh." Thank God frosh only happens once a year.

Eating bagels that aren't sesame or poppy seed.

Other folks would be happy to get an everything bagel. Not a Montrealer. We would just stare at the strange round bread product lacking any poppy or sesame seeds and wonder what this strange creation is. Certainly not a bagel. This would then be followed by a formal complaint against whoever gave this to you or made the "bagel," accompanied by a rant afterwards about the perfection (that never needs to be f*cked with) that is the sesame/poppy seed bagel.

Not being able to walk from McGill station to Place des Arts underground.

Maybe this is something I only complain about, but it seriously makes no sense. I mean, you can< get from McGill to Place des Arts, if you walk a giant subterranean loop through the Orange line, but that would take forever and no thank you. The fact that both stations don't connect directly is an ever-present source of frustration.

Too many festivals.

When a city only has about 4 months of acceptable weather, there's almost no choice but to cram all of the fun in such a short amount of time. It doesn't take long for a Montrealer to get overwhelmed, though, as by the time July hits we're all complaining about the fact that there's too much to do. Life is hard you guys.

Winters that might actually kill you.

All I'll say is this: February.

Rent prices above $500.

In most other metropolises, paying $500 for an apartment close to or in the city's core would be a steal. Here, it's actually a bit overpriced. Sure, we could check our low-rent-rate privilege, or just complain about it. I'd rather go with the latter.

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