Few vehicles for review-writing capture the spectrum of human thought quite like Google reviews. Not just for restaurants or services, these reviews exist for plenty of labelled structures on the map, including (but not limited to) Montreal metro stations.
From wrong-headed diatribes about unhoused people to dedicated essays about metro architecture, metro station Google reviews unlock a special passion in reviewers that is just about unmatched. For this little experiment, I looked at some of the most popular stops in the city's more central boroughs, arranged here from lowest to highest rating.
My favourite review for Guy-Concordia station, reading simply, "Aaa."
The lowest-rated station from my list was this popular spot, which one reviewer called an "alright station" with "weird tile patterns." Another review pleaded with the STM to beautify the place, saying, "something is missing. It needs an artistic touch into the chaos!"
The issue is "hard to pinpoint" for this picky Montrealer, who suggested, "put[ting] some colors into the alleys."
Another intrepid travel writer said, "review for a metro? Well it's a good metro!" Fair enough.
A critical review of Saint-Laurent station by Carlos CA.
Some stations had fewer interesting reviews than others, but Saint-Laurent's were rich with information despite being few and far between. User Carlos CA wrote that the station "will remain ugly for a long time to come," adding that the outside of the station "often looks more like a dump than a metro station."
Another reviewer added that they "got drunk and passed out here the other night," rating the experience a "10/10, would vomit there again."
A glowing, sarcastic Google review of Berri-UQAM metro station.
Now we're above the 4/5 cutoff and entering into stations that are better loved by the public. One reviewer called Berri-UQAM "a place where you could get on subway," which is honestly so true.
User Philippe Faunom called it "a well organized mess," and another reviewer added that it's "a beautiful labyrinth."
A review of Mont-Royal metro station simply reading, "Wow... place."
Most of the interesting reviews for Mont-Royal target the winding series of new staircases, which the STM constructed following the installation of elevators. (Some of the most colourful reviews apparently come from the weekslong period when the escalators were closed to make way for the station renovation, forcing people onto the staircase. The escalators have since reopened.)
A reviewer described the process as "very long works for very little accessibility," pointing out that "people who have difficulty with so many steps" and "parents with young children" might struggle to use the station.
Another reviewer complained that they "want to take the subway, not a gym membership."
Finally, user Joel Prittie found themselves to be "a little cranky because I can no longer win the 'exit first from the metro and charge up the escalator' award I have secretly been giving myself for years."
Prittie added that they "also think the new grass roof needs roof-goats."
A review of McGill metro reading, "Ordinary."
McGill had almost no reviews of note, with many reading simply "ordinary" or "acceptable" (though the latter was a five-star review, so a little confusing there). But one reviewer lauded "the fantastic station design and art," before asking, "why are there no restrooms here?"
I don't know, man, take it up with the STM gods.
A review of Lionel-Groulx metro that refers to rush hour as "the apocalypse."
An unnamed Google reviewer called Lionel-Groulx "good." Another called it "nice," while admitting that, during rush hours, the station can become apocalyptic. "Everyone is fighting to get in the metro," they wrote, which is I suppose something people might do if the world was ending.
User Daniel Goldwater called the station "a bit outdated in its style" but conceded that "I guess the orange bubbly floor is funky."
A brutally mid review of Place-des-Arts metro station.
The best-rated station of those I examined (which included more not listed here because they were boring) earned some deeply scathing remarks, like a one-star review reading, "the bathroom stall of all metro stations." Another reviewer called it out for smelling like pee, writing that "the smell of urine in the station motivates me to work harder, so I can buy a car and don't have to take the metro." Yikes.
Finally, one review left the station's quality more up in the air. "I didn't notice anything special with this metro station," the four-star review admits, adding that "it didn't win my heart."
"However, it's nice on the way out."
This article's cover image was used for illustrative purposes only.