Montreal takes food very seriously.
We enjoy the finer things and we want others to enjoy them with us.
That is why it is important to familiarize yourselves with The 10 Food Commandments of Montreal.
After all, you don't want to accidentally commit a food-sin and be sent to food-hell. I heard everything there is sold in vending machines.
Lead us not into gluttony but deliver us from hunger, Amen.
1. Thou Shalt Not Put Mayonnaise Or Ketchup On Thine Poutine
Just because it contains fries, doesn't mean it needs fry condiments like ketchup. Its brown gravy is already the most glorious condiment of all. Since were so European, we've taken to dipping our fries in mayonnaise as well which is an even greater sin than using ketchup.
Photo cred - eatyourworld
2. Thou Shall Always Choose Steamie Over Toasted
Toasted hotdogs may be superior when cooked at home on the BBQ. But on the go, steamies are the only acceptable option. They taste better, they don't leave any crumbs in your friend's car and they're cheaper. Win-Win-Win.
3. Thou Shall Only Eat $2 Chow Mein Between The Hours Of 2am And 3am
Some things only taste right within the proper time frame. You can't have a candy cane flavored hot chocolate when it isn't christmas and you can't have pumpkin spiced anything in the summer. $2 chow mein probably has the smallest of all these windows. It only tastes good for 1 hour a week.
4. Thine Smoketh Meat Sandwich Shall Always Be Overstuffed
A smoked meat sandwich always has to be WAY TOO overstuffed. The meat to bread ratio has to be at precisely 15:1. If pieces don't fall out, it isn't a real smoked meat sandwich.
5. Thou Shall Always Chose Creamy Coleslaw Over Traditional
Be sure to stay tuned for our next article The 10 Commandments Of Eating At St-Hubert. In the meantime here's preview: #1 If Thou Art Ordering A Kids Meal As An Adult, Thou Salt Always Ask For The Yellow Cardboard Car.
6. Thou Shalt Not Fill Up On Bread
I know it's tempting sometimes since your food is going to take forever and that bread looks so damn fresh and warm. But you must resist the temptation. Do it for all the poor suckers living in non-foodie cities where they have no choice but to eat bread to satisfy what their meal couldn't.
Photo cred - yelp
7. Thou Shalt Not Order A Bagel And Creme Cheese From Tim Hortons
Asking them to make your sandwich on a bagel is acceptable but unless it's some kind of emergency, then there's no reason to order an american style bagel in the bagel capital of the world. And while we're at it: Thou shall always choose sesame seed over poppy.
8. Thou Shall Be Extremely Careful About "All You Can Eat" Sushi
If you thought "all you can eat" sushi was a good idea, think again. Just read this cautionary tale and you'll know exactly how NOT to eat sushi in Montreal.
9. Thou Shall Only Use Cheese Of The Skouik Skouik Variety
Say "nay" to that grated cheese and to those evil cheddar cubes. Only the almighty squeeky cheese curd posseses the proper molecular composition to withstand the cheese-melting heat of the poutine while maintaining its structural integrity.
10. Thou Shall Leave Room For Dessert
With so many amazing dessert choices in Montreal, you might be tempted to skip the meal and order dessert right from the get-go. And why not? The list is endless!