To the Montreal newbies and the rebellious, here's my little guide to behaving like a good Montrealer.
"Be kind to one another" - Ellen Degeneres
READ ALSO: 10 Unspoken Rules Every Montreal Girl Should Follow
1. When On An Escalator, The Right Side Is For Standing, The Left Is For Walking
I cannot stress this enough. You know when you're borderline late to class and those morning people think it's okay to socialize with their friends while standing side by side on the escalator which results in aggressive sighing and foot tapping until they move so you can walk up. Critics may point out, "why don't you just take the stairs"... But we all know walking up stairs is 10 times harder than walking up moving stairs. This girl does not want to be out of breath and have her makeup sweat off first thing in the AM. The struggle is real.
2. Do Not Stand In Front Of The Metro Doors And Try To Walk In Before Others Walk Out
You would think this is common courtesy, but for some reason Montrealers lose all control when it comes to the Lionel-Groulx metro station, it feels like the Hunger Games. From people smashing into you trying to walk in to the metro, to getting sandwiched between strangers, it could all be avoided if Montrealers would just stand to the side. The STM is so genius, they even put a nice big bright sticker on the floor with arrows on it to show you where to stand, therefore you have no excuses. Don't be that guy.
3. If You're The Designated Driver And All Your Friends Agree That It's "Okay" To Park In That Parking Spot And You Still Get A Ticket, You Split The Cost
Parking in Montreal is impossible to find and the signs are impossible to understand– it's so confusing. You know when you and your girls go out for supper and everyone unanimously decides the spot seems legit, and you get a ticket –the right thing to do is split the cost. You took one for the team and you got shafted, not cool.
4. If You Don't Like Poutine, You Pretend To
You will never hear the end of it if you voice that you dislike poutine. "How can you not like poutine? Are you crazy?" – you're a Montrealer, you love poutine, point finale.
5. You Kinda Ignore The "Walking Man" Traffic Light Downtown 90% Of The Time
Downtown Montreal is busy, and odds are you have somewhere to be. If you're like me and work Downtown, that little walking man traffic light is optional– when it's safe of course. I do not encourage this, but we're all guilty of doing it. You know when you only have a 30 minute break but it's pay day and you want Starbucks and you need to run there because by the time you get your drink, your break is over. Caffeine>Safety. Just kidding, be safe kids.
6. Starbucks On Pay Day, Tims The Rest Of The Week
Shout out to all the broke students, treat yourselves! But only once a week, no one can afford $7 coffees every day, a double double will have to do for your daily caffeine fix.
7. Do Not Abruptly Stop Walking During Rush Hour Downtown; You'll Die
When you're walking towards the metro after a long day of school or work like everyone else, and a person in front of you decides to stop abruptly with no warning and you smash into them, sirens go off, you both go flying into the darkness and all of downtown shakes. Okay, I'm exaggerating, but no one likes to be bumping into people unexpectedly. If you realize that you're going the wrong way, find your way out by making your way to the side of the sidewalk, then make your u-turn, don't just break. Just like driving, pedestrians have rules too!
8. Do Not Blast Your Music In Public Transportation, Use Earphones
Nobody wants to hear your music because everyone wants to listen to their own, stop being selfish. I don't get how people still choose to use speakers in public transportation instead of politely listening to their own music in their headphones. If you're into listening to heavy metal at 8am, that's cool, but I want to listen to R&B.
9. Do Not Sit At The Edge Of The Double Seats In The Metro
This is pure evil. You know when you want to get a seat in the metro on the green line, but that woman with her 100 bags decided to sit at the edge of the double seats on purpose making it hard/awkward to walk over her legs to sit down in that tiny corner space... I get it, it's a great tactic to turn people off from wanting to sit next to you, everyone needs their space – but don't do it. Everyone wants a seat, everyone's tired, don't be that guy.
10. Don't Yell In Excitement When You See The New Azur Metros
11. That Awkward Wave You Have To Do When A Car Lets You Pass
You know when you're walking on St-Laurent and you have to do that awkward "Thank you" wave when the driver lets you cross the street even though you have the right of way... Every single time I don't do "the wave" I feel like an awful person and I think the driver thinks I'm rude. Just do it; it's nice and polite and the driver will feel like you weren't being a rude reckless pedestrian like most of us are.
12. Don't Be That Person Who Stands In The Front Of The Bus Instead Of Making Your Way To The Back To Make Room
You know when you're on the 113 in the morning and people are still trying to get into the bus but there's no room because of those people that decided to stay in the front instead of making their way to the back. Don't be that guy.
13. If You're Crazy Enough To Spend $12 On A Beer At The Bell Centre, Drink It Instead Of Spilling Most Of It On The Guy In Front Of You When Price Makes Another Incredible Save
Sports events are the worst time to drink beer, if you're a real fan you better chug that thing quickly because odds are you'll stand up and cheer in excitement and spill it all before you have time to drink it – especially during a Habs game.