As a rule of thumb, you should avoid sending dick pics all together. There is nothing attractive about them, nor sexy. Sorry, not sorry. Ask any girl you know, she's most probably going to tell you that she's not about that life.
If you absolutely feel compelled to send your private parts to a girl you just met or even to your long-term girlfriend, then here is a list of things you should consider before tapping the dreaded "Send" button.
1. DO: Send a dick pic if she asks for it
If your girl actually asks you for a dick pic, then it's your moment to shine, baby. Go for it! Send her the best dick pic you've got.
DON'T: Send her a dick pic if she doesn't ask for it
It's really simple. If she doesn't ask for it, you don't send her your private parts.
2. DO: Send her dick pics after at least 7pm
Dick pics work best after the sun goes down. Apparently, most girls feel at their sexiest in the second part of the day... that's when you strike.
DON'T: Send her a dick pic in the morning
Your sausage is not something she wants to see first thing in the morning. Send her a photo of a cute puppy instead or something.
3. DO: Send her a dick pic with a warning
Say something like, "Babe, he misses you" or something... so she expects the obvious.
DON'T: Surprise her with a dick pic
Do NOT send her a photo of your best friend while you're casually discussing life.
4. DO: Send her something visually appealing
If you do end up sending her a photo, make sure it looks good at least. Ask your buddies for a second opinion before sending it out to the opposite sex.
DON'T: Send anything unappealing
Dirty sheets or gross nails in the background are a major NO-NO! Every detail counts, so be careful.
5. DO: Send her one dick pic
One pic is more than enough to get your point across.
DON'T: Send her dick pics all day every day
No. Please, don't. It's not as pretty as you think it is.
6. DO: Send her a realistic photo
Don't use filters or enhancements of any kind.
DON'T: Send a photoshopped pic
Do not retouch the pic! You don't want to send anything misleading size wise.
7. DO: Make sure you know each other for at least a week
You don't want to send baby-maker photos to a complete stranger. Make sure you've established a certain level of trust.
DON'T: Send a dick pic to a girl you just met
It will freak her out and your chances of hooking up will significantly decrease.
8. DO: Expect to receive no comments
Most girls will make no comments about your photo because they didn't really want it in the first place.
DON'T: Ask her to comment on your pic
Avoid things like, "you like it?" or "is this the prettiest thing you've ever seen in your life?".
9. DO: Crop parts that don't look good
For example, if your angle isn't particularly flattering - crop out your beer belly or something.
DON'T: Send pics taken from the wrong angle
Bad angles are bad on regular photos... bad angles on dick pics are your worst enemy. Remember this, it's your new mantra.
10. DO: Send her a photo of your six pack
It's so much hotter. A fit body is your best friend.
Now that the dust has settled on the Montreal Canadiens Stanley Cup loss, Habs fans have pointed out that Tampa Bay Lightning goalie Andrei Vasilevskiy's uniform looked suspiciously inflated in a post-game photo.
And since we all know Habs fans are the calmest and most level-headed hockey fans out there, the question is: did Vasilevskiy really use illegal goalie equipment or is this a nonsense complaint from sad and angry Canadiens fans?
The photo in question, posted on TSN's official Instagram page, shows Carey Price and Vasilevskiy standing face to face with Vasilevskiy looking awfully puffed up compared to Price — from the viewer's perspective, at least.
Following Wednesday's game, several Habs fans took to Twitter with unfounded accusations of illegal equipment.
Did Tampa hoard an extra player inside Vasilevskiy’s equipment? That’s so typical. Cheater franchise. https://t.co/CRSAIigOjO
While the photo of Kucherov seems harmless, showing him posing with the Stanley Cup in front of a pool and boat, and we don't know the exact intention behind the tweet, the caption added fuel to the fire.
"Nikita is sending kind regards to Montréal Canadiens fans! #WeAreGoldStar!" it read.
In the comments section, multiple people criticized the lack of class being displayed while others pointed out that the streets of Tampa looked deserted after last night's victory.
"The Stanley Cup is obviously not big enough to fill your ego! Happy for your win - but I guess you just defined what it means to be a classless, sore winner," tweeted @belangerlisa.
At the time this article was published, Kucherov had not given any further explanation for the photo posted by his agent — but he had retweeted it.