Photo cred - Paolo Taverna
Everyone has a birthday, so even if you don't really believe in astrology, you still claim a sign of the zodiac. From Aries to Pisces, the range of personality types and traits is pretty large, and tbh, most horoscopes are so vague they could apply to anyone anyway. To make things a little more interesting, and relevant to all you beautiful Montrealers, we've made the Montreal Astrological Horoscope. Read on to see your sign and where you're most likely to go out on a weekend in Montreal.
Birthdays: March 21-April 20th
Mascot: The Ram
Parties at: Igloofest, Osheaga
First on the horoscope list is are the Aries folk, who usually put themselves first anyway. Active and adventurous, these are the people who are at all the bar openings, club events, and braving the cold at Igloofest, just because they want to. Natural leaders, you've probably met more than a few Aries business people or students, or leading a pack of drunken friends to a bar on St. Laurent.
Birthdays: April 20-May 20
Mascot: The Bull
Parties at: Philémon Bar
All about excess, Taurus people love the pleasures of the city. You'll always find Tauruses in an SAQ picking out the best wine, at La Fromagerie Hamel tasting the finest of fromages, and getting tables at the fanciest restaurants, and never going to a dep to grab cheetos and boxed wine. Taurus are still quite practical, even though they like to indulge, and can be known to be pretty stubborn, like their mascot would suggest, so it's best to just go along with their plan to drink fancy wine at Philémon Bar than to fight them on it.
Birthdays: May 21-June 21
Parties at: The Comedy Works, house parties
Have a friend who loves to talk, and maybe never shuts up? High chances they're a Gemini. Geminis do talk a lot, but they are usually quite smart and intelligent, so they always have something worthwhile to say. Get 'em drunk and prepare to have your ear talked right off. Their witty banter is always seen at any house party, and Geminis are likely to be spotted at The Comedy Works, either critiquing or performing.
Birthdays: June 22-July 22
Mascot: The Crab
Parties at: Hurley's Irish Pub
Hard on the outside, but full of ooey-gooey feels on the inside, Cancer-people embody the crab. Cancers are very domestic, focusing on family ties and history, so don't be surprised to see them walking about the streets of Old Montreal to take in Montreal's history, or still at home living with their family in the West Island. Highly protective of friends and family, Cancers usually assume the role of mother hen on a night out, and the first to hold back your hair when your getting all vommy in the bathroom of Korova. If they are drinking, they prefer something low key with a long history, an Irish pub like Hurley's would do the trick.
Birthdays: July 23-August 22
Mascot: The Lion
Parties at: La Station de Sports, La Boite de Karaoke
Loving life in the limelight, Leo's are the stereotpical center-of-attention-type. Ambitious, and a little vain, Leo's can often be seen rocking out to some karoake at Trois Minots or La Boite de Karaoke. Leo's dramatic nature lends really well to the stage, and they frequently star in Montreal theater productions. A little hot-headed, it's probably best to stay on a Leo's good side, and not avoid knocking the Canadiens, because they will start a bar fight.
Birthdays: August 23-September 22
Mascot: The Virgin
Parties at: Benelux
Logical, picky, and very practical, Virgos may seem a little uptight, but that's only because they're very selective. You probably won't spot a Virgo at Montreal's more dive-y barsm but if you try to pick one up at a spot like Benelux, be wary of being shot down. Take the chance though, because if a Virgo is into you, they're into you, since you've already passed their strict selection process.
Birthdays: September 23-October 22
Mascot: The Scales
Parties at: Their apartment, in their PJs, watching Netflix with their boy/girlfriend
Libras are always thinking of others, and their relation to the world in general, so they make great pals. Very relationship-focused though, so don't expect them to get all drunk and slutty at Tokyo with you. Highly refined, with a great sense of style,
Birthdays: October 23-November 21
Mascot: The Scorpion
Parties at: Sainte Elisabeth
Seriously obsessed with success is the best way to describe a Scoripo. Seeing things in absolutes, a Scorpio will straight up tell you if the person who just performed a set at Brutopia's open mic sucks or not. Always motivated, Scorpios are often the business folk you see walking around downtown in suits. Or at Sainte Elizabeth's, enjoying the 5 a 7 after a hard day of owrk.
Birthdays: November 22-December 21
Mascot: The Archer
Parties at: Anywhere with good Yelp reviews, Le Belmont
Sagittarius people are constantly on a quest for knowledge and truth. In school you probably saw them breaking stories at the McGill Daily, Concordia's The Link, or any other campus newspaper, only to become legit journalists at Journal Metro, The Gazette, or elsewhere as the years passed. Clear and forward thinkers, Sagittarius already has your night planned out, reading all the bar reviews or background checking the party's guest list on Facebook, with a contingency club that's always fun (like Le Belmont) in mind.
Birthdays: December 22-January 19th
Mascot: The Goat
Parties at: Helm, Dieu de Ciel
Hard working Capricorn will always get the job done, even at the expense of fun. While you and your friends are out getting wasted, the Capricorn is responsibly at home, the library, or in bed preparing for tomorrow's full day of work. Less inclined to try out the strange, Capricorn's gravitate to simple bars and microbreweries, like Helm, rather than a crazy club like New City Gas.
Birthdays: January 20-February 18
Mascot: The Water Bearer
Parties at: Any and all charity events, Resonance
Even though its a cliché, the 'Age of Aquarius' line really does fit this astrological sign, as Aquarius' are always trying to change the world for the better. All about helping others, you'll find them offering help wherever it is needed, whether it be volunteering at Mission Hall soup kitchen, raising money for CKUT's Homelessness Marathon, picking up alcohol for the predrink, or chilling at a co-op cafe like Resonance.
Birthdays: February 19-March 20
Mascot: The Fish
Parties at: Bifteck, Pop Montreal
Out of all the signs, Pisces is most likely to be into horoscopes, as Pisces people are highly intuitive and into the spiritual. Montreal's many churches, strange shops, or tarot locales (like Tarot du Soleil) are all points of interest for the intuitive Pisces who's always on an innter journey of discovery. Pisces like to keep their feelings under wraps, even though they're highly emotional, which makes them the classic bi-polar drunk who is brought to tears or smiles at a moments notice. Best to take them to a place like Bifteck where everyone is equally emotionally-wasted if something artsy like Pop Montreal isn't going on.
How was your horoscope?
For more random Montreal musings, follow Michael on Twitter @MDAlimonte