When it comes to gastronomy, Canadian food isn't exactly popular.
No one ever asks: "Are you hungry for Italian , Chinese, or Canadian food tonight?"
That's because most people can't even tell you what "Canadian food" is. (Other than poutine, of course.)
But we DO have our own culinary creations, and they all have three things in common; They're simple, they're delicious, and they've been ruined in unimaginably improper ways.
The Proper Way To Eat Poutine
Quite possibly the most Canadian dish ever, although some people in Quebec get really mad when the rest of Canada tries to take credit for it. When it's done right, it can be the most delicious food in the world. All you need to eat it properly is: fries, gravy and cheese curds.
The Improper Way To Eat Poutine
Using Grated Cheese is by far the worst thing you can do to a poutine. Poutine only has 3 ingredients, so each one is critical to its integrity. The cheese curds are especially important, since they are harder to find outside of Canada. So when you have access to them it's your responsibility to make sure you use them. Grated cheese is NOT an acceptable alternative.
The Proper Way To Eat Kraft Dinner
There are a lot of foods you love as a kid that suddenly taste like crap when you get older. But Kraft Dinner will always be delicious. Unless of course we're talking about that weird cauliflower KD they tried to sell once upon a time.
The Improper Way To Eat Kraft Diner
I know a lot of people like doing this, but for the rest of us "normal" macaroni loving individuals, just the idea of putting ketchup on cheesy pasta makes our stomach turn.
The Proper Way To Eat Steamies
Quite possibly the most perfect food ever created. It's a meal, it's a snack, it can be eaten on the go or at a picnic, it's handheld, it isn't messy, it only cost 99 cents, and you can find them everywhere!
The Improper Way To Eat Steamies
Different people like different toppings like onions, mustard ketchup, relish or coleslaw. But there's one topping we can all agree should never find itself a anywhere near a steamie. MAYONNAISE!
The Proper Way To Eat BeaverTails
It may just be a glorified flattened donut, but BeaverTails have made their mark, and are now considered as a "classic Canadian food"
The Improper Way To Eat
There are hundreds of variations of BeaverTails, From sweet to savory, it seems these pastries are the perfect vessel for just about any topping you can think of. Except of course, Cheez Whiz. It's bad enough Cheez Whiz exists on it's own, but when combined with the cinnamon taste of a BeaverTails you will achieve new levels of nausea.
The Proper Way To Eat A Smoked Meat Sandwich
Once again this is a surprisingly simple combo. Smoked meat, mustard, and rye bread. That's it. Unfortunately you don't always have access to rye bread so some people have tried replacing it with white bread...
The Improper Way To Eat A Smoked Meat Sandwich
You wouldn't think it makes much of a difference, but making a smoked meat sandwich with white bread is a cardinal sin. Plus the tears you'll shed as you eat this sad sandwich are bound to alter the flavor.
The Proper Way To Eat Montreal Bagels
You can have them from breakfast, brunch, lunch, and even dinner. And Montreal's bagels are the best in the world. But justbecause the bagel was purchased in Montreal, that doesn't make it a "Montreal bagel"
The Improper Way To Eat A Montreal Bagel
Even in Montreal, where people have access to the best bagels, some poor souls still consider the Tim Horton bagels a viable option. That is not a bagel! It's just a sugar-free donuts with sesame seeds.
The Proper Way To Eat Maple Taffy (Tire sur neige)
It's probably NOT the healthiest food in the world, but it is among the world's happiest foods. That's because you'll be never see someone eating maple snow taffy without a smile on their face. It's really tough to mess-up this food, up since all you need is syrup and snow.
The Improper Way To Eat Maple Taffy (Tire sur neige)
Like I said all you need is snow and syrup, but the kind of syrup you use is really important. It's maple, or nothing! So please, don't try to make it with fake-ass syrup.
The Proper Way To Make A Bloody Caesar
Technically it's just a "Caesar", I know. So if you want to get mad at me for calling it "bloody" you go ahead and do that. But just so you know, people have done far worse things to the Bloody Caesar than simply messing-up the name.
The Improper Way To Make A Bloody Caesar
For some reason, people thought it would a good idea to swap out the vodka for some Jack Daniels. They call it the Tennessee Caesar and it is an abomination.