Sign up for our newsletter and get a curated list of the top trending stories and exclusive rewards every day.

Trending Topics

Get the MTL Blog app

Download on the App StoreGet it on Google Play

The 10 Commandments Of The City Of Montreal

The Sieur De Maisonneuve would be so proud.
The 10 Commandments Of The City Of Montreal

While these may not have appeared on ancient stone tablets to be discovered by a bearded man (in fact, we're pretty sure that they were found under ruins between the Crémazie and Sauvé metro rails, written on a brown St-Viateur Bagel paper bag) their purpose remains the same.

Behold, what follows below are the ten commandments of the 514:

1. Thou must hate all things Toronto.

The 416 is a foul land, a mere attempt to replicate the uniqueness of the island. Though imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, poorly-produced and pretentious flattery is extremely disrespectful and is to be regarded contemptuously.

2. Thou shall consume poutine regularly.

Bagels and smoked meat sandwiches are also accepted. In fact, they should be a part of one's nutritious and complete diet. However, do stay away from New-York styled bagels and fake Italian pastries - they are foul and should never be consumed.

3. Thou shall brave relentless winters with constant complaints.

The most honourable way to pass the cold season's course. An individual who does not ever complain from the cold is either an alien or Russian.

Photo cred — Steve Rukavina

4. Thou shall try not to speak ill of the STM.

And thou shall fail miserably. Trying implies a slight will to not utter any foul words. However, one is permitted to stop trying after the 2nd interruption of service of the day (which will most likely happen before 8am).

5. Thou shall speak English and French.

The fleur de Lys for the French settlers; the flower of Lancaster for the English settlers; the thistle for the Scottish settlers; and the shamrock for the Irish ones. Since no individual should be found unable to communicate, you will have to learn a bit of both.

6. Thou shall blindly follow the Habs.

Every year is the THE year. There will be no denial of this. There will be no loss of hope.

7. Thou shall politely suppress lascivious thoughts when passing a gentleman's club.

...and gentlelady's clubs as well. Alas, one may find it difficult to begin with, but practice makes perfect. And there will be lots of practice. Lots.

8. Thou shall perform a yearly pilgrimage to Mount Royal's Cross

One can only bear the name of Montrealer if this sacred journey has been completed. However, if one finds himself or herself incapable of performing this pilgrimage, one can have a picnic on Beaver Lake grounds and 'call it a day'.

Photo cred — MTLBlog

9. Thou shall not refuse an opportunity to jay walk.

Street lights are only to be used by vehicles with wheels. Pedestrian-shaped lights are only to be respected by children under the age of 12. If a fellow city dweller invites another to cross on a red light, it is a sign of friendship, and must never be turned down.

10. Thou must turn up.

Picnik, Osheaga, Igloofest, Oktoberfest, random Tuesday nights; there will be no accepted excuse for 514 residents. All occasions are good occasions, for when the city is quiet, it becomes more like its disliked cousins: Québec city and Toronto.

More from MTL Blog

Comments 💬

Our comment section is a place to promote self-expression, freedom of speech and positivity. We encourage discussion and debate, but our pages must remain a safe space where everyone feels comfortable and the environment is respectful.

In order to make this possible, we monitor comments to keep spam, hate speech, violence, and vulgarity off our pages. Comments are moderated according to our Community Guidelines.

Please note that Narcity Media does not endorse the opinions expressed in the comment section of an article. Narcity Media has the right to remove comments, ban or suspend any user without notice, or close a story’s comment section at any time.

First and last names will appear with each comment and the use of pseudonyms is prohibited. By commenting, you acknowledge that Narcity Media has the right to use & distribute your content across our properties.