7 Things You Should Never Say To A Montrealer
Maybe your best course would be to tread lightly.
Photo cred - Danielle Rennó
Montrealers are known for being fun-loving and energetic, but they also have a rep for being a little mean to visitors and tourists. Exceptions exist, of course, but usually, when some silly out-of-province-er asks a very silly question, all Montrealers will react in the same way: vehement hate. Certain phrases really set the citizens of Montreal off, so for anyone looking to avoid (or inspire) Montreal hate, here are 7 things you should NEVER say to a Montrealer.
1. Are you a Habs fan?
Don't bother asking, the answer will be yes. Even if the Montrealer in question doesn't like hockey, its a yes. Save yourself some time and a possible bitch-out for questioning hockey team-loyalty.
2. So What is a poutine? Do you, like, eat it all the time?
Poutine is kind of Montreal/Quebec's signature dish but the city hardly lives off the stuff. Yes, Montrealers do eat the delicious blend of fries, gravy, and cheese fairly often/whenever drunk, although that isn't ALL the time. Montrealers are well aware of the vast amount of other food options available in the city, with poutine remaining a staple. Besides, how would the city's citzens retain their slender figure on an all-poutine diet?
3. French-Canadian? How does that work?
Its not dual citizenship, its a term reflecting Quebec's history as being colonized by the French and the British. For some reason people can't wrap their heads around this idea. Think of it as being a Canadian citizens who was brought up with more of a focus on French culture, rather than British/North American culture like the rest of the nation. Simplified, for sure, but hopefully that brings the point home.
4. So Where's the mountain?
Actually? Ok, here's how: Step 1. Look Up, Step 2. Turn your head around in any direction, Step 3. Look for a large mound with a white cross on top. The fact that people ask this baffles the minds of Montrealers everywhere. Is the mountain just easier to notice when you know its there? Are visitors expecting a giant cliff of biblical proportions? Either way, just don't ask and look around.
5. How is everyone so good looking and well dressed?
If you say this, you may not get an angry response, probably just make someone pleasantly annoyed. Unlike some parts of Canada, Montrealers take some pride in their appearance. Every person isn't a high fashion model, but in general Montrealers dress pretty well, and thus the entire population just looks more attractive. That, or there's something in the drinking water.
6. How do I order a drink if the bartender speaks French?
Usually followed with a "do I ask for the drink in English or in French? Will he/she hate me if I say it in English?" Ordering booze in Montreal is the same as in any city, so don't get caught up in the language debacle.More than very likely your bartender is bilingual and won't give two shits, plus most drinks sound nearly identical in French and English, especially if using brand names. Also, if the bartender is looking for a tip, they'll be nice enough to you to get your drink, so English-ordering is fine. Just don't be an idiot and you'll get boozing.
7. Do you, like, hibernate in the Winter?
Montreal Winters are harsh, we get it. Do we just stay inside like wussies? Hell no, we man up, brave the sub-zero winds, and go get drunk. A lot of people tend to stay in more during the Winter, as is the case for most cities, but we don't curl up in a cave and miss out on Winter fun. Montreal makes the best of Winter (Igloofest anyone?) and embraces the cold.
These are our phrases to set of a Montrealer, do you have any we missed? Think we were totally off with these? Let us know in the comments below.
For more on Montreal-ism, follow Michael on Twitter @MDAlimonte