This Is Quebec's Future No Matter Who Wins The Provincial Elections

The future of Quebec after April 7th.
This Is Quebec's Future No Matter Who Wins The Provincial Elections

We have determined the future of Quebec, in every possible election scenario.

Using our crack team of super-intelligent political analyst monkeys and magical kung-fu fortune telling tortoises, we have predicted what will happen in the province if the PQ, Liberals, CAQ, or QS win the election.

Peer into the multiverse and see what will happen after April 7th.

If the Parti Quebecois wins...

  • Shortly after the PQ's victory, PKP steps out of the shadows and reveals himself to be the Emporer Palpatine-like puppet master controlling the party the entire time.
  • PKP gets Pauline Marois out of the way by unveiling her true identity: a hyper-aged Bieber clone designed to win the elections.
  • A referendum is held, and succeeds, but not for the republic of Quebec. Instead, the United Nations of Quebecor is founded.
  • All McGill students are banned from public pools in the UN of Q.

If the Quebec Liberal Party wins...

  • With no one left to stand in his way and restrain his actions, Phillipe Couillard's activism towards bilingualism turns into a full-blown obsession.
  • The OQLF is replaced by the Franglish Unity Committee (dubbed the Bilingual Bodyguard) who become even more strict than their predecessors.
  • Not stopping at signs and menus, Couillard and the FUC force the entire province to speak only in Franglish, with every sentence made up of at least 40% French or English words.
  • By 2017, Franglish becomes the official language of Quebec.
  • A motion is made to rename Quebec the "Britain-France Federation," but then everyone sees the short form and drops the whole idea.

If Coalition Avenir Québec wins...

  • In order to make due on all of the party's promises to lower taxes, the CAQ creates the “Tax Reduction Tax” to compensate the loss of funds.
  • Without any election competitors to throw shade at and look good by comparison, Quebecers get a little peeved with Francois Legault.
  • Things get worse when the “Innovation Valley” of the St. Lawrence Project is revealed to be a giant Epcot-like educational theme park. Everyone gets even more pissed, mostly because Epcot sucks.
  • Eventually the amusement park gains worlwide popularity, and makes the province a lot of money, so everyone backs off a little.
  • Legault's original stance on the CoV and referendum is forgotten, and never mentioned again

If Québec Solidaire wins...

  • Basically like what happens with the PQ, only a lot less exciting and without any of the intrigue.
  • Let's face it, in the Destiny's Child version of the elections, QS is pretty much the Michelle of the group.
  • P.S. Beyonce = Couillard-Marois toss up, Kelly = Legault

What are your election predictions?

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