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Unlocking Your iPhone 5S Is Just A Nipple Scan Away

Dont have any fingers? Use a nipple.
Unlocking Your iPhone 5S Is Just A Nipple Scan Away

It's finally happened. Billions of years worth of evolution and thousands of years of technological advancement has led the human race to this climactic moment. We now live in an age where we can unlock out smartphones with a nipple. THAT'S RIGHT! YOU HEARD ME! SOMEONE CALL THE PRESIDENT DAMNIT! 

So a couple weeks ago Apple announced it's new iPhone 5S smartphone, with several new features. Among them is a fingerprint scanner which is apparently UN-UNLOCKABLE!!!! It's only weakness? NIPPLES.

The iPhone's fingerprint scanner will recognize and register  both male and female nipples (#equality) for an added, more intimate level of security. TRY GETTING MY SELFIES NOW NSA!!

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