What I Really Think About D!ck Pics
Yesterday I woke up to a dick pic from a random guy on Facebook. That same person asked me out on several occasions. I politely declined all of his kind offers. I guess, he then figured he should pull out the big guns and close the deal once and for all. So he sent me this on a lovely Sunday morning:
Wrong person, eh? Right, right. He obviously thought that his penis was pretty enough to make me want to change my mind and jump into his love embrace. Nope, that didn't happen. So here's what I really think about dick pics.
1. They're unnecessary
Why in the world would you ever consider to send a dick pic? So unnecessary! Send a photo of your six pack, that sexy V-shaped ab muscle, a photo of you surfing or even a fucking selfie. Please, do NOT send dick pics.
2. They're fugly
I have never seen a dick pic that would make me look twice, loose my breath in awe and/or make me want to use it as my desktop background. They're not visually appealing, guys... So, please, stop.
3. They're the opposite of sexy
Instead of turning females on, dick pics do the exact opposite. The usual girl dick pic reaction is... wait for it... laughing! Uncontrollable laughing, then sending that screenshot to her girlfriends.
4. They make guys look stupid
The thought of you posing for that dick pic, deciding which angle to take it from in order to make it look bigger or something, taking a bunch of shots and then hesitating which one to keep... ridiculous. Stooooooop!
5. They will never help you close the deal
If you send a dick pic to a girl that you haven't even slept with yet, your chances of closing that deal will significantly decrease. And that's the best case scenario. She might even stop replying at all, so don't risk it. If you're dying to send her a dick pic, wait until the two of you hit a home run first.