Drinking in the sunshine and drinking, in the sunshine, are two of Montreal's favourite summer pastimes, and we're lucky enough to have legislation that allows these sacred pleasures, where other, lesser cities fail to do so. But parks are for more than just the idyllic consumption of alcohol — they're shared spaces that offer Montrealers the opportunity to spend time together outside of stuffy offices or loud restaurants.
Despite their myriad options for entertainment and relaxation, Montreal parks do have rules, most of which are directly articulated on the city's various websites. Some of these are a little overzealous, in my humble opinion, so consider this a measured response that splits the difference between legal responsibilities or personal courtesies and the right to fun. These seven points are your guide to being the coolest group at the park, or your money back, guaranteed.
Pick up your trash
"Leave no trace" isn't just for the scouts, it's also arguably the most important rule of thumb to follow while engaging in outdoorsiness. Pick up your picnic trash, collect your party waste, and don't throw your leftover food into the trees, please! Contrary to popular belief, tossing things like orange peels won't make the environment richer. Many types of food waste take much longer to decompose than you might expect, and you don't want to end up inadvertently feeding the wildlife (which is also illegal, if that helps).
Remember other people have ears
People picnic in Montreal's Parc La Fontaine.
When I polled my friends and loved ones for their park pet peeves, one thing rose above the rest: loudspeakers in parks are really, really annoying. Technically, you're not supposed to play music out loud at ALL in large parks in Montreal, but that rule is absolutely a no-fun-allowed type of situation, and it's not stopping anyone from blasting their tunes.
If you are choosing to bring some ambient screamo into Parc La Fontaine, keep an ear on the noise level, or consider spreading out farther away from other groups, so we can all choose what to do with our nearby soundscapes.
Drink responsibly with your food
I'm not the fun police — your bag of chips counts as a meal in my eyes! But it's good to be aware of your intoxication level, especially because the actual fun police will not shy away from issuing a fine — which can go up to $100 plus fees.
Smoke with caution
People picnic in Montreal's Mount Royal Park during the Tam-Tams summer drumming event.
Listen, it's Montreal, I know you're going to smoke something in the park, regardless of how legal or illegal that substance may be. For the record, this publication does NOT endorse consuming cannabis of any kind in a public place (as stipulated by Quebec law). If you are going to smoke, whether it's some regular tobaccy or something more wacky, keep an eye on your surroundings.
Kids, families, asthmatics like me and more should be able to enjoy the outdoors without coughing on your secondhand smoke, even if it's hand-rolled pure tobacco you meticulously selected for its purity. Air is shared, so stay aware. A little easy mnemonic for you.
Grill where permitted, but don't set fires
This should be relatively obvious, but it bears repeating anyway. When you're grilling up a barbecue spread, be sure to follow regulations about where and what kinds of cooking devices you're allowed to use, and practice responsible fire safety.
Be careful (and respectful) with your balls
People picnic in a Montreal park.
Playing sports is one of life's simplest communal pleasures — unless you're on the receiving end of a ball or frisbee to the face. Be aware of who's around you and think about tossing the pigskin in a wide-open area, not so close to the picnic tables.
Keep your pets leashed
Even if your precious angel is the best baby to ever grace the surface of the Earth, they still need to be on a leash — and not just for legal reasons. Public parks are some of the city's best places to spend time, but an impromptu meeting with an unleashed animal can range from harmless and cute to deeply upsetting or even dangerous. Keeping an eye on your pooch is a good way to make sure she doesn't freak anyone the hell out on what should be a nice afternoon in the park.
There's a spirit underlying each of these recommendations, and it's not just the spirit of a communist killjoy, although yes, that's definitely part of it. Sharing communal joy in a safe, welcoming environment is something we all deserve, and it takes collective responsibility to ensure that joy is accessible to anyone who wants it. Sometimes, seeking collective joy involves sacrifice — turning down your curated chill mix, clipping a leash on your wayward retriever or stepping aside to light up — are each small acts that can combine to build a space where some of the fondest memories can be made.
And, be honest, does it really hurt to make those compromises? I don't think so.
This article's left-hand cover image was used for illustrative purposes only.
The opinions expressed in this article are the author's own and do not necessarily reflect the views of Narcity Media.