The 7 types of people you'll definitely date if you live in Montreal, according to a local

The French Expat

He's your best-dressed co-worker. His accent is sexy as hell and you love how casually blunt he is about everything. He chuckles in sympathy when you complain about the boss and stares into your soul when you speak.

You fall for the fantasy of him. He teaches you French and how to blow smoke rings. He's not a very good kisser, but you convince yourself he is.

You spend a few adequate nights with him before you realize that you're not dating him, you're dating your idea of a French lover. And that's not fair to either of you. You call things off, and he's surprisingly chill about it.

You go back to being work friends like nothing ever happened.

The Beautiful Cryptid

You meet her at a party when you're both at least a couple of drinks deep into the night. She's a friend of a friend who happened to be in the neighbourhood tonight and figured she'd stop by to catch up with everybody.

You instantly hit it off. Within twenty minutes of meeting her, the two of you are finding an excuse to ditch your friends for somewhere quieter. When you first kiss, you get the kind of nervous butterflies you used to get around your crush in high school.

And then, as suddenly as the sparks fly... they fizzle. By the time the sun comes up, your chemistry together is off. You'll text for a few weeks and hang out once or twice again after this, but it's not the same, and she exits your life as easily as she entered it.

In a couple of months, you'll hear she's moved out of the province for work. You'll be happy for her, but you won't be all that sad that she's gone.

The Ethical Non-Monogamist

You meet them on a dating app. You're initially attracted to their sense of style, their cool hobbies, and their rizz in your DMs.

You've never tried polyamory before, but you're willing to give it a shot. A good chunk of the conversation on the first date is about the ethics of non-monogamy, and how they personally handle it. You find their openness about their past and current partners refreshing.

This relationship goes one of two ways. You might discover that polyamory is totally your jam, and quickly proceed to date a few more people (which is an entirely different article). You'll then realize that your first partner isn't actually a good fit in your developing polycule and part on good terms.

Or you might find out that dating an ethical non-monogamist requires way more scheduling and emotional labour than you're prepared to do right now, and in fact you don't like knowing that your partner is sleeping with someone else, even if they are upfront about it.

Either way, you become instant besties with one of their other partners and remain friends for years after the breakup.

The Online Baddie

After meeting her once or twice on nights out, you work up the courage to slide into her DMs. She not only remembers you, but she loves your vibe.

This girl is hot. She's fun. She's driven. You love spending time with her. And you especially love showing her IG to your friends when they ask who you're dating.

But unless you're also on that online brand grind, you're going to find you don't have very much in common. Your lives are going in different directions and you have different interests. And, if you're being super honest with yourself, she's way too cool for you.

You date for about a month before breaking up. She finds your replacement within eight business days. You find this out, of course, from her socials.

The Activist

You hear that there's a really cool co-op bookstore/coffee shop/bar in your neighbourhood, so you check it out on a quiet weekend. One of the owners behind the counter is more than happy to tell you all about the place, and you hit it off from there.

You've never dated anyone this politically engaged or informed before. You learn a ton from them about the importance of local community activism and the untapped possibilities of anarcho-communist power structures in the Western world.

You join some protests. You hang out at the co-op in your spare time. You develop strong opinions about the mayor's office for the first time in your life. There's a decent possibility you get your first tattoo during this relationship.

The eventual breakup is drawn-out and painful. It finally ends when they tell you that they don't have the spoons to walk you through your capitalist deprogramming, and you tell them that if they have drama with everyone in their life, then maybe they're the problem.

Suffice it to say, you don't remain friends.

The Up-And-Coming Artist

He's a friend of a friend, and he is brilliant. His work dazzles you. In hindsight, you'll realize you actually fell in love with his talent, not him. But you don't know that yet.

If he's a musician, he writes a song about you. If he's a visual artist, he paints, sketches, or photographs you. He calls you his muse. He says your eyes are his inspiration – and you know it's a cheesy line, but you still love to hear it.

But he's a terrible texter. And when you tell people you're seeing him, they either go quiet or they laugh and wish you good luck. Intellectually, you know this probably won't end well, but you're riding a high right now, and you don't want it to end.

It does end, though, when you find out what he's doing on the days you don't see him. It could be any manner of distasteful habits – but the point is, it's something he specifically told you he doesn't do. You try to work it out, but it's clear he won't change.

When you dump him, at least three of his exes will reach out to you. Laughing with them about his more pathetic traits will help you heal.

The "Friend"

You call or text every day. You meet for lunch as often as you can. You send her memes you see that you know she'll find funny.

But she's just a friend.

She's the first person you call with good news. She's the first person you call with bad news. She's the person who can make you laugh the fastest.

But she's just a friend.

Your last ex brought her up in arguments. Everyone mistakes you both for a couple. And sure, she's smoking hot, and you kissed on New Year's when you were both single, and you had a total blast on that Euro trip last summer, and you both want the same things out of life…

But guys, come on! She's just a friend.