You're Not A True Montrealer Until You've Experienced 9 Of These 17 Summer Struggles
Is that... HOT sunlight?!
Montrealers enjoy a street festival in the summer. Right: Two people play ping-pong at the park.
We love to hate Montreal in the winter, and we love to love her in the summer. But the city is sorely missing a true account of its summer struggles — the moments that remind us that every season has its charms. Don't be distracted by all the festivals and natural lighting and endless lazy days under the canopy at Parc Maisonneuve. The hot season still sucks sometimes, but thanks to this list, you can identify just how assimilated you are into Montreal's generous yet unforgiving summer.
Shouting over traffic at a roadside terrasse
Terrasse season is the gift that keeps on giving, but not all terrasses are quite the same. When you're sitting directly on the street in a flimsy-looking wooden cube, yelling at your date over the cars zipping down the road, it's easy to feel a little on edge.
Lining up for hours outside Schwartz's
But takeout isn't always better — who among us hasn't spent the looooooongest time waiting for that perfect smoked meat sandwich from Schwartz's? At least it's not a chilly wait...
Planning a weekend getaway...
Getting nearly run off the bike path by a cyclist
Bonus points if they're blasting EDM out of a Bluetooth speaker MacGyvered to the handlebars.
Going to Parc La Fontaine for a weekend evening picnic...
Walking past a group speaking three languages, somehow at the same time
Group picnics in Montreal are often sites of some of the most complex and fascinating linguistic exchanges in North America. If you can't tell who speaks which language natively, congrats — you've found a true Montreal picnic.
Witnessing tourists attempt to speak French and failing miserably
The locals listening to them are nodding politely and listening well, but you can tell they'd rather be at the aforementioned linguistic picnic.
Going into a dep fridge on a beer run from a park and finding only gross beer left
Would you like a Labatt 50 or perhaps a Molson Ex? You, and only you, are in luck.
Accidentally getting too drunk during a picnic in a public park
The Labatt went down a little TOO easy, and now you're standing up, and — OK, now you're falling down.
Peeing in an alley because the park has no bathrooms
Whether the bathrooms are closed or nonexistent, all you know is you have to get this pee out of your body immediately. Inevitably, someone who lives in the building will happen past just as you're pulling your drawers back up and give you a certain look.
Going to Verdun beach, then remembering that the Saint Lawrence is ugly
Bonus points if you go in the water anyway, just because the humidex is climbing up to 45.
Hitting Duluth on a whim only to find zero seats at any bar
Everyone else made actual plans, while you just had hope and a dream.
Resented the Metro for being so hot and humid
But also, you feel gratitude for the otherwise annoying wind tunnel effect. It cuts through that swimming-through-the-air feeling you only get on a humid metro.
Moving on July 1. Just, all of it.
The heat, the humidity, the rain, the stress, the fact that everyone and their grandmother are also trying to move today, please let this be over, oh my God, why?
Clambering up mountains of abandoned furniture on every residential sidewalk
Everyone just HAD to dump their old gross chairs on the sidewalk today...
Following city detour signs around construction projects in a full circle
WHERE IS THE NEAREST RESO ENTRANCE GOD DAMMIT??
Getting home at the end of the day covered in dust because of widespread construction
No, I don't work in the mines, just on Sainte-Catherine.
This article's cover image was used for illustrative purposes only.
