"Laval, came, looked for parking, couldn't find any, b[****]ed at the bike paths then went back to Laval."
Montreal is a city of dense but distinct neighbourhoods, each with its own vibe and culture, history and personality. This eclectic urban patchwork has given rise to neighbourhood stereotypes, some misguided but most good-humoured, painfully effective jabs at some of our zaniest collective traits.
A recent Reddit post (shared here with permission) by Los Angeles resident Mark Rad (u/Persianx6) sought to expose Montrealers' perceptions of their neighbours, asking users to "imagine each neighbourhood in Montreal is a guest at a massive house party" and describe their behaviour.
In the almost 100 comments that followed, Redditors lampoon Montrealers' most endearingly annoying practices. Let's just say it does not sound like a fun party.
"Hochelaga is smoking a cigarette under the stove hood. He brought some Pabst but stole an Auval from the fridge," one user, u/gabmori7, wrote alongside dozens of other propositions.
Among their others: "Milton-Parc tells everyone about his experience at Avenue and how European they think Montreal is;" "Saint-Léonard is making pasta and meat for everyone even though people say they're not that hungry;" "the Plateau spends its time saying that the wine is expensive;" and "Saint-Henri asked everyone if they knew about the little third wave café that opened near his house, knowing full well that no one knew about it."
Meanwhile, according to the same commenter, "Anjou, RDP and [Pointe-aux-Trembles] left at 9 p.m. because it's a f[***]ing long way home."
"Villeray smokes his joint and drinks a micro IPA on the balcony while bragging about how much he loves balconies," u/slippingjimmy123 added.
"Shaughnessy Village probably drunk and pissing in the sink, but definitely your go-to guy if you ever need a weirdly specific item," u/JustCapreseSalad proffered.
u/montrealbro imagines the rent-obsessed "downtown person [...] asking everyone else how much they pay" for their place.
The Plateau, one can imagine, is an easy target. u/ProtestTheHero can see the personified neighbourhood "[spending] the whole time smoking on the balcony listening to the Montreal coffeehouse playlist on Spotify. You lose track of how many 'du coups' you hear after approximately six minutes."
As is stuck-up Westmount, who retreated from the plebs, "found the library room and is watching tennis on the tv," according to u/tokhar.
Plenty of automobile-dependent Montreal neighbourhoods and suburbs just didn't make it to the party.
"Laval came, looked for parking, couldn't find any, b[****]ed at the bike paths then went back to Laval" (u/mtlurb).
"Pointe-Claire is still waiting for the 211 after three more don't show up as scheduled" (u/greach169).
"Île-des-Soeurs stayed home because, well, traffic is bad" (u/rlstrader).
The Mile End "didn't show up" because they're "too cool to care about Montreal stuff" (u/horchatar).
Finally, at least three commenters agree that the party pooper is Saint-Lambert.
"Not sure what will happen but pretty sure Saint-Lambert already call the cops," u/jonh_redpath wrote.