For a 6,400-square-foot house with six separate bathrooms, a gym and a games room, you'd think "mansion" or "palace" might be more appropriate. But this Westmount manor is labelled a "cottage," which can only be interpreted as a winking nod to the home's exterior stylings, which are admittedly very English.
Inside, it's anything but cozy — this is a cool, modernist and wealthy entertainers' home through and through, with a sprawling backyard and an elegant heated pool to match. The 12,000-square-foot lot is fully landscaped and perfect for hosting plenty of guests. It's very much giving business in the front, (pool) party in the back.
The backyard, including a curvy pool.Courtesy of Joseph Montanaro
It even has an elevator, which is an important tool when your first floor doesn't have its own bathroom. But maybe that's something you can debate with the realtors, since the colossal cottage is currently under construction.
Renderings of what the home's interior could look like include pristine white furnishings and blindingly smooth, spaceship-esque bathrooms, which are... all connected to a bedroom?
Let's take a look at the floor plans.
A floor plan for the home's ground floor.Courtesy of Joseph Montanaro
The first floor, once again, has no bathrooms — you'll have to take that fancy elevator or hurry up a flight of stairs to make it to the second floor.
There are two floorplan options for the second floor, but in both renditions, you have to walk through another person's private space to get to your dearly needed porcelain throne. Alternatively, this bizarre bathroom setup could be a way to flex your guest bedrooms on all your visitors, but it still feels like something may have been left out in the planning process.
Moving on to the basement, you'll find a spacious family room (or game room!) with no attached bathrooms.
A floor plan for the home's basement.Courtesy of Joseph Montanaro
The closest thing we get is a double-doored bathroom accessible through either the basement's solitary bedroom or by passing through a seemingly useless "ante room." At this point, I'm starting to wonder whether the bathrooms are deliberately quarantined from non-bedroom areas out of some strange, inscrutable logic that may be alien in nature.
On the bright side, there's a lovely covered balcony on the basement level which features nice views of trees and the city beyond.
A covered balcony on the ground floor of the home.Courtesy of Joseph Montanaro
The basement also features a home gym, which is fitted out with two machines in the renderings. You'll still get a stunning view of the city from the exercise room, so you can pretend you're running towards somewhere with better bathroom organization.
A rendering of the home's exercise space.Courtesy of Joseph Montanaro
The main living space on the home's first floor.Courtesy of Joseph Montanaro
A 1920 construction, this house could not have foretold the restroom angst it now evokes in those far too poor to ever consider inhabiting it. Let's hope that whoever makes this sizeable lifestyle purchase knows how to decorate a bedroom, since their many guests will be entering them with more frequency than they might at other house parties.